Friday, April 19, 2013

Is your partner "The One" for You?

A lot of people have been asking this question and personally, I couldn't  really answer that directly but I have a few things in mind that might help to know whether your current partner is the right one for you.

Time is not the basis for everything - it doesn't mean that dating for 10 years will make him/her the one. Time only allows you to get to know the person better, to gauge whether your relationship will pass and move to the next level - marriage. It's okay if you have spent the last 5-10 years of your life dating the same person and realizing he/she is not the one rather than spending the rest of your life with the wrong one.

Bringing out the best in you - A good relationship should help you become a healthier person on both inside and out. It is important that your partner helps you improve yourself to be a better person and should be your source of encouragement when bad times come. Entering in marriage should be a result of a relationship that pulls you up and not the other way around.    

Accepts you for what you are - and not what he/she wants you to be. But if they see something in your attitude that needed to be changed, they would lovingly criticize you so that you could improve to be a better person.

The act of being selfless - we are all guilty of being selfish and it has been a part of our daily lives as this is human nature. It is different though when your partner starts to put your needs ahead of theirs. You see, this act is one big sacrifice and until the both of you learn how to be selfless to one other, he/she will never be the one.
Getting along with the family - this is one of the most important factors that you ought to consider. Gone are times when people say "you and me against the world" because in reality, that saying would never work on a long-term basis. Growing up in a Chinese family, strong family ties is very important. Like what they always say, getting married not only involves your spouse but also his/her entire family. So make sure that your partner gets along well with your family and vice-versa, otherwise, you will never be fully happy.

One big fight? (lol) I remember the first question of our counselor to us back then was "Do the two of you fight?" You are not ready to get married if your answer to that question is "no." Since both of you are two different individuals with different points of view, it is normal to have disagreements. It's not healthy for a relationship to have zero disagreements neither it is when you have tons of issues every single day. At the end of the day, it's how the two of you discuss and compromise that will make your relationship work.
Pray for God's guidance and ask your parents' opinion. There are some things that you couldn't see when you are deeply into a person. I remember attending a wedding of a friend and was deeply moved by the message of the groom's dad as he recalled the simple actions that the bride does that made him say that she is the right person to be married to his son. Although we might not see these small things, our parents know whats best for us because they have far greater experiences. Oftentimes, we take for granted the opinions and lessons that they impart. 
Marriage is something you need to pray and think about deeply because it is NOT like buying something you wanted and refunding when things didn't turn out well. Remember, no matter how modern the world is, marriage is a covenant made with God that no man can ever separate, hence the wedding vow, "Til death do us part."
I know there are a lot of things that I have missed. Feel free to share them! We'd love to hear your thoughts!

Photos are taken by Ian Santillan

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